People rarely see what I see. As a divorce attorney, my job is to defend my client, sometimes aggressively, within the boundaries of the law. It’s a tough line to walk, and it takes a toll that few outside this world understand.
Carrying the Weight of My Clients’ Lives
Every story I hear is packed with pain – crushed dreams, broken trust, and the kind of heartbreak that leaves scars for years. I’ve sat across from people who have been blindsided by restraining orders, forced out of their homes, and stripped of their sense of security. I’ve represented clients desperate to keep custody of their children, and others terrified they’ll lose everything. Each case is unique, but the underlying hurt is always familiar.
A Mother Fighting for Her Son
The case of a mother who was forced out of her house due to a phony temporary restraining order (TRO) filed by her husband resonates in many divorce cases. In that case, the wife was shell-shocked. Her husband had hired one of the most expensive attorneys in the state to make sure she wouldn’t get a dime – or a day – with their son.
She had almost no resources – only the support of rotating legal aid and domestic violence attorneys. For years, she battled through paperwork, court dates, and emotional challenges. In the end, she managed to secure shared custody. Although the judge suggested pressing criminal charges, she refused – she didn’t want her son to grow up without a father. Even after winning in court, she left in tears; victory didn’t feel like a victory. The truth is, no one truly wins in a divorce.
The Father Who Lost Everything
Then there was a father who lost his job just as his marriage was falling apart. He couldn’t afford child support payments at the court-ordered level, and he fell behind. His ex-wife’s attorney pushed hard for contempt charges. He broke down in court, convinced he would never see his kids again. He wasn’t the villain – he was just overwhelmed.
The Spouses Who Chose Peace
Not every case is a war. Recently, I worked with a couple determined not to let their anger poison their children’s lives. They sat in my office together, discussing custody schedules calmly and dividing assets fairly. They cried together about the end of their marriage but also held each other accountable for how they’d handle co-parenting in the years ahead.
It didn’t make headlines, but it renewed my faith that even in divorce, there can be dignity and care.
The Toll Nobody Sees
What most people don’t realize is how much this work can wear you down. Underneath the professional mask, I feel the weight of every story. I am not immune to emotion just like other lawyers. We’re rarely seen as heroes, even when we do our best for people in crisis.
Sometimes after a long day in court, I replay everything in my mind and wonder if there was a gentler way – if maybe I could have been more compassionate without failing in my duty. But the system is adversarial by design, and my ethical obligations are clear: protect my client’s interests above all else.
Compassion Has a Place – Even Here
Despite everything, I try to remind myself (and my colleagues) that empathy doesn’t have to disappear just because the environment is harsh. I’ve witnessed moments of real kindness – clients who refuse to retaliate even when they could, parents who put aside anger for the sake of their kids, and yes, attorneys who go out of their way to explain every detail with patience and care.
I wish more people understood that behind every “tough” lawyer there’s a human being who wrestles with these cases long after the courtroom lights go out.
A Message for Those Going Through Divorce
If you are my client, or if you’re on the other side of my desk, I want you to know that your pain isn’t invisible. I understand that going through legal challenges can feel overwhelming and isolating. The system may seem cold and impersonal at times, but many of us in this profession genuinely care deeply about justice and about the people we serve. We are committed to listening to your story, standing by your side, and working tirelessly to protect your rights and support you through every step of the process. Your experiences matter, and you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion throughout this journey.
Healing takes time. Sometimes just surviving the process is victory enough. And if you can find a way not to perpetuate harm – even when you have every reason to – you’re stronger than most.
Empathy does belong here. I see it every day – in small gestures, tough decisions, and quiet acts of courage.
